highly recommend: LISTENING TO THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT!!! (part one)
ANTHOLOGY DISSERTATION PART 1: featuring important cultural critiques like: "SHE IS CRINGE AND SHE IS FREE" and "IT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT"!!!
fortnight feat. post malone
initial thoughts: okay, the first song of a new era: the bass line is giving stranger things lite? and also 80s molly ringwald movie soundtrack? it’s deeply vibey, and gets the unhinged nature of the album in your face immediately. i mean, “your wife waters flowers, i wanna kill her”? somebody use this on a desperate housewives montage immediately. post malone in all his lil’ tattooed face glory singing like an angel? (and their voices compliment each other, like, very well. you love to hear it.) florida references outside of the titular track of florida!!!? what are we doing here, taylor? WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, TAYLOR????
standout lyrics: i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary / i love you, it’s ruining my life / my husband is cheating, i wanna kill him
i have a questions: is this about joe? did we go back to him for a quick second after the matty delusions crashed and burned? or maybe before then. is matty the miracle move on drug? was joe’s inability to let her shine his quiet treason? i love speculating, and i love the way taylor can write deeply specific and personal songs that are also somehow universal experiences, that also somehow are ambiguous enough that we must accept that we don’t actually know anything at all!!!!
the tortured poets department
intial thoughts: let’s just imagine someone leaving a typewriter at your apartment? this is a bop of the lite variety, a little wink wink, i know you find me precocious and guess what? i’m turning your ideas about what you thought this album was going to be on its head, hope that helps! also, it probably lowkey felt so good to date someone who’s more over the top than she is in her english lit department dramatics? love that for her.
standout lyrics: i’ve seen this episode and i still love the show / i laughed in your face and said you’re not dylan thomas, i’m not patti smith - this ain’t the chelsea hotel, we’re modern idiots / who’s gonna love you like me? nobody. no-fucking-body. /
i have questions: the way everyone thought “the tortured poets department” was a direct dig at joe + his group text called “the tortured man club” — but it… appears… as usual… we were so wrong? and this song appears to be about matty healy lugging a 20 lb typewriter around new york city trying to impress our girl? a tattooed golden retriever? good god, it was so much worse than we thought. AT DINNER YOU’D take my ring OFF MY MIDDLE FINGER AND PUT IT ON THE ONE PEOPLE PUT WEDDING RINGS ON???? EXCUSE ME?????? IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT.
my boy only breaks his favorite toys
initial thoughts: oh, tale as old as time. that person who is an angel to everyone but the people closest to them, because they think they’ll always be around. whomst among us hasn’t been there? whomst among us hasn’t thought we were the queen of some dirtbag’s world and that alone made the dirtbag worthy? in my delulu little mind, her ken references are homage to margot robbie’s summer of shared sisterhood smashing ceilings. sometimes it’s just you being your own best friend, looking in the mirror saying, exactly.
standout lyrics: coz it fit too right, puzzle pieces in the dead of night, should’ve known it was a matter of time / put me back on my shelf, but first pull the string and i’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me / once i fix me, he’s gonna miss me
i have questions: did i want this to be about joe alwyn? i think i did. is it about joe alwyn? PRETTY SURE IT’S ABOUT MATTY HEALY AGAIN? AGAIN????????
down bad
initial thoughts: if there’s one thing we can count on ms. taylor for, it’s writing songs that our teenage selves would’ve had on repeat while pretending we knew anything about love. teen meg would’ve died attempting to relate via her devastating escapades of young, mostly unrequited love.
standout lyrics: for a moment, i knew cosmic love / now i’m down bad crying at the gym, everything comes out, teenage petulance / i might just die, it would make no difference / so fuck you if i can’t have us / i might just not get up, i might stay down bad
i have questions: idk why but the little bridge of “i loved your hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer of your indecent exposure” made my cinematic brain itch? is this about matty again? are we calling him her twin? is this real life? or is there a possibility this is about joe? GOD, SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!
so long, london
initial thoughts: taylor attempts to take the vienna choir boys job, but is actually too sad to do it. what a track five way to go. that watery blonde english potato really fucked her up, huh? what a devastating tale of how she tried so hard to salvage their relationship while he just wanted her to be a stay-at-home-taylor instead of thee taylor swift. she gave him six years, and I DIED ON THE ALTAR WAITING FOR THE PROOF? KILL ME, THANKS!
standout lyrics: how much sad did you think i had in me? / and i’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free / you swore that you loved me but where were the clues, i died on the altar waiting for the proof / i’m just mad at as hell because i loved this place
i have questions: i’m literally just the algebra meme lady piecing all of these things together and questioning myself and trying not to dive into google to confirm or deny timelines and dates and references so that i can actually finish this today instead of it taking a frickin fortnight. (lol see what i did there?) anyway.
but daddy, i love him!
initial thoughts: please god let this song be about travis kelce and not matty healy. please. i beg of thee. it’s so much more fun when it’s about travis, tbqh. this is like… if love story had an older more insane cousin that was somehow more country in spirit? honestly… this whole song. i’m just… so many things. AND EVEN MY DADDY JUST LOVES HIM? PLEASE SCOTT SWIFT SAY IT’S ABOUT TRAVIS KELCE. I BEG. and no, you can’t come to the wedding. oh my GOD, at 5:06? the NO I’M NOT [BAM!!!] — classic taylor. we are so back!!!!!
standout lyrics: i forget if this was ever fun / i just learned these people save you cos they hate you / i’m havin his baby, no i’m not but you should see your faces!!! / growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all / i’ll tell you something right now: i’d rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of this bitchin n moanin / i’ll tell you somethin about my good name, it’s mine alone to disgrace, i don’t cater to all these vipers dressed in emperor’s clothing / god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what’s best for me, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i’ll never see / if all you want is grey for me, that’s just white noise, this is my choice / all the wine moms are still holding out, but fuck ‘em, it’s over
i have questions: did you know taylor swift is actually hilarious? (i did.) (but still.)
fresh out the slammer
initial thoughts: that opening note really deceives us into thinking this is gonna be a how the west was won gunslinger, doesn’t it? fresh! out the! slammer! big penance vibes, big i’m sorry for my part of this, big, running back to you certainly can’t be a mistake, can it? vibes. OKAY VIBE SHIFT. the tags on this album, the bridges, the transitions… she’s sick. i love it.
standout lyrics: but it’s gonna be all right, i did my time / as i said in my letters, now that i know better i will never lose my baby again / my friends tried but i wouldn’t hear it, watch me daily disappearing
i have questions: is this like… she and joe broke up and he exiled her (lol i’m unstoppable go ahead and muzzle me) and then they got back together? fresh out the slammer… like joe jail? WAS SHE IN JOE JAIL? toss the ashes off the ledge… in my letters… idk. i want to believe this is about joe being a sad english potato that taylor tried to bend over backward to love? ain’t no way i’m gonna screw up now that i know what’s at stake? WEARING IMAGINARY RINGS? paper rings to imaginary rings? ALTERNATIVELY: was the slammer her 6 year relationship? hm. much to think about.
florida!!! feat. florence welch
initial thoughts: am i delulu or were those rumors about joe cheating… true? this song makes me want to take a roadtrip in a convertible driving down the coast singing at the top of my lungs? even while singing derogatorily about the state, taylor manages to do more pr for the state than r*n desant*s could ever hope to achieve. florence welch has the most haunting and lovely voice and i love that she was not only featured but featured heavily. what a gift, and their voices together? chef’s kiss. also, more husband murdering! from olive garden to orlando! sign me up!
standout lyrics: and my friends all smell like weed or little babies / little did you know your home is a town you’re just a guest in / barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle i — well me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time / so i did my best to lay to rest all the bodies that have ever been on my body and in my mind, they sink into the swamp - is that a bad thing to say in a song? / i need to forget so take me to florida /
i have questions: doesn’t this song feel very “everything is legal in new jersey” (derogatory) but make it florida? when will we get a taylma and flouise music video out of this? (i’m sorry for that. there’s a better name mashup there but if you weren’t aware i got 3 hours of sleep last night. thelma and louise in florida, that’s the vision. ok great moving on.)
guilty as sin
initial thoughts: i love when taylor reminds us that she grew up religio and sprinkles in some delightful blaspheme via biblical references! in the same song with a verse about orgasms? HER MIND!!!
standout lyrics: am i allowed to cry? / slipping back into the hedge maze, oh what a way to die / someone told me there’s no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk / what if i roll the stone away, they’re gonna crucify me anyway / what if the way you hold me is actually what’s holy? / if long suffering propriety is what they want from me, they don’t know how you’ve haunted me so stunningly
i have questions: as my fearless ceo texted me at 12:30 am last night, WHO IS THE SUBJECT OF THIS SONG?????????
who’s afraid of little old me
initial thoughts: it’s giving the greatest showman, taylor’s version. all the circus references? from red to now, i love a full circle moment! i have never felt more seen by a lyric than when taylor sings “so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?” a+ for honesty!!!
standout lyrics: you don’t get to tell me about sad / if you wanted me dead, you should’ve just said — nothing makes me feel more alive / who’s afraid of little old me? well you should be. / is it a wonder i broke? let’s hear one more joke — then we could all just laugh until i cry / i was tame, i was gentle, til the circus life made me mean — don’t you worry, folks! we took out all her teeth!
you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me / i’m always drunk on my own tears, isn’t that what they all say? / that i’m fearsome, and i’m wretched, and i’m wrong. / put narcotics into all of my songs, and that’s why you’re still singin along! / you caged me and then you called me crazy — i am what i am coz you trained me
i have questions: she is kind of obsessed with people who want her dead, which is mildly alarming and yet also understandable because… she’s at a level of fame where in this day and age, that’s something she probably thinks about a lot? i love when she makes direct references to bullshit narratives people have pushed and latched onto in the media. like, oop! did you think she didn’t know you implied she’s a spoiled rotten terror who sues kids for stepping on her lawn? she knows! good luck!
i can fix him (no really, i can)
initial thoughts: lana del rey, taylor’s version! the breathy vocals, the layered tracks, the background vocals, the stoned on the beach energy. an homage to lana, if you will. once again, she’s self aware about how much everyone loathed matty — and it’s such an interesting juxtaposition of acknowledging it, while also reaffirming that she doesn’t give a fuck about what other people think is “best” for her — particularly those who don’t even know her.
standout lyrics: they shake their heads saying god help her when i told ‘em he’s my man / but your good lord doesn’t need to help him, i can fix him, no really i can, and only i can / he had a halo of the highest grade, he just hadn’t met me yet / good boy, that’s right. come close, i’ll show heaven if you’ll be an angel all night — trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man. (no really, i can) / whoa, maybe i can’t!
i have questions: whomst among us hasn’t doubled down and tried to fix a man we thought only we could fix until we realized he was actually satan? taylor swift, she’s just like us!!!
loml
initial thoughts: loml? more like lmao i want to die. when you realize loml stands for love of my life but also loss of my life, did you want to throw up into your limited edition taylor swift the era’s tour film amc popcorn bucket too? or was that just me? trying to get back together with the person you think you’re gonna be with forever only to find out it’s not gonna work after all? i’d rather die, thanks.
standout lyrics: i thought i was better safe than starry eyed / still alive, killin’ time at the cemetery, never quite buried / when your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes, you took me to hell too / what we thought was for all time was momentary / mr steal your girl then make her cry / i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all / are they secondhand embarrassed that i can’t get out of bed cos something counterfeit’s dead? / what a valiant roar, what a bland goodbye, the coward claimed he was a lion / i’ll never leave — nevermind / you’re the loss of my life
i have questions: THIS IS SCATHING!!!! god i’m so sad for her even if that man is a potato, he was HER potato!!! “mr steal your girl then make her cry” — in my mind, this is a reference to joe stealing taylor from tom hiddleston and then making her cry for six years, thank you so much.
i can do it with a broken heart
initial thoughts: track 13, which i would like to believe means it is a personal fave of taylor’s. sad as hell lyrics? jack antonoff’s super snythy bop sound? A CERTIFIED BANGER. THE SONG OF THE SUMMER. HOT GIRLS EVERYWHERE WILL USE “I’M SO DEPRESSED I ACT LIKE IT’S MY BIRTHDAY EVERY DAY!!!” AS THEIR BIRTHDAY CAPTION THIS YEAR. it’s me, i’m hot girls on may 16th. mentally trill girls, high functioning depressives, raise your hands in the air if you really fucking care!!! also, i recently found out the term “high-functioning depression” doesn’t actually mean that i’m experiencing myself as high-functioning, it’s more like — people in the world are surprised when you tell them you’re clinically unwell. fun surprise! (read: horrors that make so much sense.)
standout lyrics: cuz i’m a real tough kid, i can handle my shit / they said babe you gotta fake it til you make it and i did / lights camera bitch smile even when you wanna die / he said he’d love me all his life, but that life was quite short, breaking down i hit the floor / all the pieces of me shattered while the crowd was shouting more / i was grinning like i’m winning i was hitting my marks
i’m so depressed i act like it’s my birthday every day! / i cry a lot but i am so productive, it’s an art / you know you’re good when you can even do it with a broken heart / lights camera bitch smile in stiletto for miles / you know you’re good - GOOD, because i’m MISERABLE, AND NOONE EVEN KNOWS!!! try and come for my job.
i have questions: taylor swift, they could never make me hate you. somebody get this woman an oscar for the first six weeks of the eras tour? tbh, this song is the perfect representation of the moment in the katy perry documentary when russell brand calls her to tell her they’re over for good like 5 minutes before she has to go onstage at a concert. (watch at your own emotionally damaged risk. at 3:00 minutes you will want to die!!!
the smallest man who ever lived
initial thoughts: alternate title: hey matty healy, you’re a dead sewer rat! hope that helps! all of the shots we assumed were aimed at the potato were actually bombs dropped on the greasy sleazeball of the moment!
standout lyrics: you didn’t measure up in any measure of a man / where you sent by someone who wanted me dead? / because it wasn’t sexy when it wasn’t forbidden / i would’ve died for your sins but i just died inside / you deserve prison but you won’t get time / you said normal girls are boring / and i’ll forget you but i’ll never forgive
i have questions: *carrie bradshaw voice* i couldn’t help but wonder… if taylor swift has a hard time knowing her own power in relationships, DO I EVEN STAND A CHANCE?
the alchemy
initial thoughts: my god, the peak cringe millennial with all of the puns happening. god bless taylor swift for never shying down from an accusation. she is cringe and she is free and you know what? good for her. anyway this song makes me want to slow-jam body roll all day long?
standout lyrics: these chemicals hit me like white wine / he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an e
i have questions: somebody said this song was her telling matty to clear his roster since she was finally single but i don’t accept it spiritually, and i don’t accept it structurally. their points stood on “these blokes warm the benches” and also “he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an e” are very matty coded, but hear me out — the blokes warming the benches were joe and matty back to back. heroin but this time with an e, a reference to travis being able to spell? i would rather have this song be nfl sponcon than have that be true. thank you for your understanding. i mean — where’s the trophy, he just comes running over to me? me at 1:30am: IS THIS SONG ABOUT THE FUCKING SUPERBOWL???????
clara bow
initial thoughts: this is for the long time swifties who have grown up with taylor, thems the rules. her arc mimics clara bow’s arc. (and so do her eyebrows and eyeliner at the end of the promo video.) verse one: clara bow’s life. verse two: taylor swift’s life. the bridge: every woman who’s ever lived. the tag: whoever the industry decides is going to be the next taylor swift.
standout lyrics: you look like stevie nicks in ‘75, the hair and lips / crowd goes wild at her fingertips — half moonshine, a full eclipse* / beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more / only when your girlish glow flickers just so do they let you know / it’s hell on earth to be heavenly / you’re the new god we’re worshipping, promise to be dazzling
i have questions: YOU LOOK LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT IN THIS LIGHT, WE’RE LOVIN IT!!!!! gag of the century, makes me sit straight up and gasp every time i hear her sing her own name. the line at the end of the last great american dynasty where she says “and then it was bought by me” formerly held the top taylor gag spot — but clara bow’s self name-check has kicked her down the stairs like jason derulo at the met gala.
*you just know there were several weeks of existential crises about releasing an album with an eclipse lyric this close to a monumental eclipse without releasing it on the same day as the eclipse. can you imagine how many jigsaw darlings taylor swift has to kill on a daily basis?
BE BACK WITH ROUND 2… SOON… ISH!!!!!